Global Wanking Crisis

Wankers in the titty have messed up and the covenant of dickheads have pissed our money all over 'em. Like all of you I ain't got the faintest idea wot's going on. Anyway, the wank of england has made an emergency cut in the base rate. I've got a good mind to get straight onto the new watch dogs, CummOn, CummOff(IT) and PistOff. If you ask me this smacks of suits with big gambling problems. They've spent all my pension money and now they've been given all my tax revenue to feed their habit. I am mystified as to why ASH hasn't blaimed passive smoking. If anyone thinks they know what recession, depression or economic growth are, now's the time to let it out. Can anyone translate all this shite into CHINESE or ICELANDIC for us, that might be easier to grasp.